Jim & Spock: 5 and 1
by vampirealchemist13
Summary: 5 times Jim looked at Spock and the 1 time he REALLY saw him.


Jim had looked at his soon-to-be-First Officer many times in the last three days, and not all of the looks had been particularly pleasant. Although the new captain of the _Enterprise_ could tell, simply from Spock Prime's words, that they would one day, hopefully soon, be Captain and First, he could not say he entirely believed it. After all, only three days ago, the two of them had absolutely and completely despised one another. The looks said it all.

_**The First Time**_

They had never even made eye contact until the hearing regarding the Kobayashi Maru. He had demanded to face his accuser directly, and when he turned to see who stood, he felt his breath catch. His mind supplied the word _beautiful_ when he grasped for a term to describe the Vulcan, but he pushed it away. No matter how true it may or may not be, he was also trying to get Jim kicked out of Starfleet for cheating on the test, which meant his aesthetics meant very little.

For the time being.

But when Jim's eyes, blazing with a determination to win and a coldness to rival the temperature on Delta Vega, met Commander Spock's seemingly emotionless Vulcan ones, something changed.

The hate increased.

He felt a feeling like he had never experienced before wash over him in a huge wave, and when it had completely encased him, he recognized it for what it was; complete and utter hatred for someone who was trying to get him removed from Starfleet. This man didn't even know him, and yet he had condemned him as guilty on the charge of cheating on an unwinnable test!

Every time the Commander spoke, he felt belittled, though he hid it well. The man was picking him to pieces in front of his fellow Cadets, the Board, and everyone in Starfleet who mattered (that was not currently engaged with their own mission). Despite the words he knew were meant to make him feel small and insignificant, Jim held his own. Like hell he was going to listen to this man tell him what fear and loss meant; he had lost enough in his life.

Jim spent most of the trial looking at the Board, attempting to win them over with his cocky smile and "Trust Me" attitude, but when the Commander said a captain can't cheat death, something snapped inside. He stared the Vulcan down, dismissing the faint signs of a smirk on the otherwise emotionless face, and vowed with every fiber of his being to hate the Vulcan as long as he still was able to breathe.

The brown eyes locked onto his icy blue ones and Jim felt himself breaking, remembering and recalling every fact he had ever read about or heard regarding his father's heroic death, remembering it all because the Vulcan had felt it necessary to find Jim's weak spot.

He had never hated someone so fully, nor had his hatred every increased simply from staring that someone in the eyes, but Commander Spock had his full, undivided attention and every bit of hate that went along with it from that one look.

_**The Second Time**_

He was already well aware of just how much he detested the Vulcan, but he didn't think it could increase any more than it already had.

The second time their eyes met, something in Jim broke and fueled the fire already burning from just a few hours previous when they had stood at the trial.

Abandoning all reason except for those that proved they needed to stop what they were doing, Jim had booked it to the bridge to get Captain Pike to see reason. He knew better than anyone else the dangers of such an odd anomaly—a lightning storm in space—and he did not want to die the same way his father had. If he was going to meet with his father's killers, he was going to kill them, and he'd be damned if Pike ignored him and took that chance away from him.

That damned Vulcan, though, was making it increasingly difficult to make Pike see reason by saying, in different words and a sarcastic tone, that his logic was flawed. So he poured out every fact he knew that he thought would get Pike to listen; he even dragged Uhura's transmission into the conversation.

Jim was no idiot; he was well aware that the moment Jim mentioned the Communication Officer's name, the Vulcan was on his side, or hers anyways. It was an act of spite, however small, and it sent Jim damn near over the edge. No amount of facts from him would get Pike to listen to him, but mention the alien's girlfriend, and Pike would listen to _its_ logic.

Still, Pike had listened, and they were on the defensive. He obeyed Pike's order to stay and held to the railing as the Commander took the spot next to him—close to his science station, but close enough to Jim to incapacitate him if need be. Jim was well rehearsed in people trying to get the upper hand with him.

Moments before the ship entered Vulcan, Jim felt the inexplicable need to glance at the Commander, and he was surprised to find the man already staring at him. He could not identify the look in Spock's eyes, but he knew the look that was blazing in his and the emotions running behind them—not that an emotionless Vulcan like Spock would understand what Jim was feeling.

Hate for the Vulcan, anticipation for what was to come, and smug defiance that he may have very well just saved the ship were probably the most prominent. He would, however, be lying to himself if he said he didn't feel a tinge of fear and no idea quite how to handle it. Good thing he wasn't captain; was Pike feeling fear?

He tore his eyes away from the deep gaze of the Commander and focused on the view of space that turned to a violent airspace as they entered Vulcan and were met with the remains of their fleet.

Jim was oddly disappointed that he was right, but he was even more disappointed, and disgusted with himself for thinking it, that he wasn't still looking at Spock's eyes.

Eyes that had not held hate for him as his did for the Vulcan.

_**The Third Time**_

It was the first time since they had met that Jim did not look at Spock with complete and utter hatred, but what he did look at him with was not much better. It was a look of smug, self-satisfaction that could only be identified with Jim himself. Not many people could pull off the look without seeming like a complete dick; Jim himself was not one of them.

He followed Pike and Sulu into the lift, but before he did, he and Spock locked eyes. The Captain had just promoted Spock to Acting Captain and told him to take care of the ship, and if he wasn't about to jump from space to land on a platform a total of maybe 20 feet in diameter, he might have found the situation comical: the Vulcan looked truly surprised and floored.

However, he was still thinking about the fact that he had gone from academic suspension to acting First Officer in the matter of a few hours and all because Pike seemed to think he had proved himself in some way.

So he couldn't really help sending a look of smug satisfaction at the point-eared bastard. A First Officer in 3 years had to be some kind of record.

When he entered the lift, he let his face fall into a lighter smile to mask any other emotions; he had to at least appear to not be scared.

_**The Fourth Time**_

He wasn't entirely accustomed to fear just yet. In the past, he had done a lot of stupid reckless things for the pure rush of adrenaline that came with acting stupid. He had learned long ago to get over fear of doing something like jumping out of a car or getting into a bar fight. Being drunk tended to help with that last one.

And he had never been close to anyone. His mother was never doing anything that would result in her being hurt, and he never saw his older brother anymore, so feeling fear for someone else's life was also not something he was familiar with.

So he didn't understand the feeling that flooded through him when Spock refused to look at him as he knelt to the platform and energized to the doomed planet. In twenty minutes, the ship would be down two captains; it was not a record Jim looked forward to if he was supposed to take over.

Suddenly, as he listened to Chekov monitor the Commander's position on the screen, he was struck with a sense of regret. When it came down to it, Spock was just as willing to do stupid shit as Jim; he was just more eloquent and organized about it, whereas Jim enjoyed running around half-cocked and firing off at anything.

He had misjudged the Commander, now Captain, and it would be a real shame if the man died before he had a chance to figure out what the Vulcan was really about. After all, Jim did not respect many authoritative figures; Spock should be _honored_.

_**The Fifth Time**_

Every nice thing Jim said about Spock, or thought rather, could shrivel in a pot of acid. He took it all back, and added more negative comments to fill the gap. What kind of idiot turned tail and ran back to Starfleet instead of fighting? They could do it!

Not that Jim was just trying to get a swing in at the people who killed his father.

His respect fizzled out of him as he realized how little the Vulcan seemed to care; now that his planet was destroyed, it was like he didn't care that the others would be as well, and even Jim, a headstrong pistol, knew it was not an attitude _befitting a Starfleet Captain_.

He and Spock had been staring at each other for about a minute, speaking in heated tones with eyes that spoke louder than any of their words. Spock was the first to break the staring contest after a few words from the Lieutenant, but Jim felt overwhelmed, hiding it behind hatred and venom-laced words. Wasn't a Captain supposed to listen to his First?

Jim had seen a fire in the Vulcan's eyes, and he almost felt bad for seemingly undermining Spock's authority, but it was easy to see what this was about. Spock didn't trust himself to go after the Romulans because he wasn't sure what would happen when confronted with his species killers, or his mother's for that matter. Where Jim would have opened fire and run after the Romulans in an instant, Spock chose to hang back. The difference between the two was that Jim's father had died a long while ago, and he was thinking with a clearer head; to abandon the chase would give the Romulans time to attack their next target!

The hatred he had felt for Spock at the trial returned with a fiery force with every lock their eyes had with one another, and it was that hate that fueled him to break free of the security and attempt to get back to the Captain.

Until that damn man nerve-pinched him. When he woke up, he was gonna…gonna…

_**And The One Time Jim Actually **_**Saw **_**Spock…**_

It hurt him more than he ever though it would to force Spock to show that he was emotionally compromised. Every second his eyes were locked with the Vulcan's, he felt his resolve waver and his heart shatter….shatter? The Vulcan was breaking his heart…what an odd twist.

When Jim brought about Amanda, Spock's mother, he had about two seconds to realize what it was he saw in the Captain's eyes before he found himself locked in a fight.

Love.

It was masked by pain, anger, and sorrow, but Jim saw it reflecting in Spock's eyes clear as day. Spock had loved his mother, and the regret in his eyes told Jim he had never told her, which was probably hurt most about Jim's words.

It was the first time Jim had seen legitimate emotion from the Vulcan, which meant it was the first time Jim had seen Spock, and he felt himself wanting to see more of just who the man was. He had seen a man hidden behind masks and formalities break free to defend himself and someone he loved.

He was indifferent to everything around him unless it threatened something dear to him.

Perhaps they weren't so different after all.

* * *

All the looks, most filled with hatred, had given Jim a glimpse into Spock, and when the man boarded the _Enterprise_, submitting his candidacy for First Officer, Jim smiled. They were in for a hell-of-a-ride, but Jim couldn't wait for all the adventures—and looks—that awaited.

* * *

**VampireAlchemist:** Please Review!


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